Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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