Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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