i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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