she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize