My hand turned me down
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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