Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize