During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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