Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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