the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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