pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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