I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize