An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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