The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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