I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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