I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize