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I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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