So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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