I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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