I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize