dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize