It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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