a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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