my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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