T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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