My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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