Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize