i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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