sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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