I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize