you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize