I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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