If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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