the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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