Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize