Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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