this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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