These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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