as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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