I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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