I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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