T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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