Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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