remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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