Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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