I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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