I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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