hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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