i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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