i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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