.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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